“Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources for insight, transformation, and healing.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
I had to repeat the above a few times to really feel and understand what this means. I finally had the words to explain what this journey has done to me, I had to use someone else's words to describe to you how I feel because I couldn't form them myself. Last week I had a meeting where I was asked ("What's this Blame it on Jamie thing?) actually someone asked her if she was following me, if she was reading what I was saying. I guess to imply that she should, and as much as I love all the likes and followers I still get a little weird talking about it. Anyway, my response was somewhat simple.
Blame it on Jamie reconditioned is just me, all my faults, fears, dreams, passions and I guess this new Modern Day Guru-ness I somehow acquired, but I don't claim to have any answers, I'm just sharing what I see and how it speaks to me.
I see and think differently today, I can see the exquisite vividness of each moment like it's a Super Power, like Superman's x-ray vision or Claire Bennet's regenerative healing power. So what happened, yes I got sober but it's not just that, it's a combination of all the beautiful things around me that I ignored because I thought suffering was easier. Now I've had moments in my past where I have felt this way, but at the same time I felt I was in this big happy bubble that eventually was going to burst. So yes, I might have been happy but my fear was slowly building up and it was ready to take over my life.
Today, I don't think about my bubble possible bursting, I don't care if it does because I am now capable of seeing the beauty in the pain. I understand now that it's ok if life is a rollercoaster ride, all I need to do is work on the tools that will help me process things, work through them and grow. See this is when I f*cking pat myself on the back and give thanks to my higher power because 11 1/2 month's ago I wanted to die, and now I don't, and if you know the AA steps I'm half way through them and I sometimes struggle but that struggle is nowhere close to the self pity I had that ruled my life. So I say to myself "You're not even a quarter of the way through and you're already experiencing greatness" greatness in myself, why would I want to live life any other way than how I'm living it now. Why would I want to focus on your problems, or do something shitty and know I'll have to apologize for it later.
Why wouldn't I just work on being my better self every moment of every day.
“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).” – James Baraz
See my pictures are a gift to me from my higher power, they speak to me and somehow they speak to the things I may be struggling with that week. Just like the picture below.
This was my social media post on October 21 st, 2016
"Your environment may not be the prettiest and many people will pass you by and they may never see your beauty and that's ok. You know your beauty and worth and every once and awhile someone will stop and take notice" Stay true to you | Random Flower
The process for me taking this pic was I was walking and the flower caught my eye, so I captured it. Then I spoke as if I were the voice of the flower. I sat in that moment and imagined being this flower, watching all the people pass me by, looking down at the unpleasant area I was in, then looking up at this person taking my picture. I know, I know some of you are saying I'm possibly weird, but this process takes about 1 minute. Then I posted it, and read my post a few more times and realized I was talking about myself and so many others. That's it, that's what I do.
“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” – Henry Miller
So I've got this thing called Blame it on Jamie, and some people follow my journey and some people talk to me about it, and some people are inspired to go out and do something they have always wanted to do. All I want to do is continue to share 'THE REAL ME' because this isn't just my story, it's our story. So join me on following my iPhonetography and now my new adventure to learn this fancy new camera of mine.
and just remember to not forget to look at THE EXQUISITE VIVIDNESS OF EACH MOMENT THAT IS "YOU".
LOVE & SERENITY
Simple Definition of exquisite
: finely done or made : very beautiful or delicate
: very sensitive or fine
: extreme or intense
1.strikingly bright or intense, as color, light, etc.:
a vivid green.
2.full of life; lively; animated:
a vivid personality.
3.presenting the appearance, freshness, spirit, etc., of life; realistic:
a vivid account.
4.strong, distinct, or clearly perceptible:
a vivid recollection.
5.forming distinct and striking mental images:
a vivid imagination.