I rub my hands together building up the heat, forcing myself to just focus on that simple act of a repetitive motion and warming my hands. An action I wouldn't think to need here in Bali but at the moment its a simple practice of getting out of my head, almost a type of meditation. I then place my hands up to my head in prayer and ask to stay in the present. I'm listening to Kidnap kids "Moments" on repeat to inspire my words because I immediately related to the first few lines.
I have to keep moving and that's what I've been doing over the last two years and no one could stop me, it's been a journey driven by faith. I couldn't even stop myself even if I wanted to, well I guess I could if I decided to drink and do drugs again, I'm sure my journey would've taken a complete turn downhill. The beginning of my year started strong, with the opportunity to travel once again and visit some very good friends I've met along the way and rebuilt some relationships I've missed dearly over the past 10 years.
During this time I travelled to Singapore, Thailand and Australia and spent a good amount of time living here in Bali. I've met writers, scientists, designers, filmmakers, poets, artists, doctors, and travellers that have left everything and have found themselves on a faith-filled journey searching for something greater. I found that I had something in common with all of them and could have a deep conversation with people from all walks of life, education, cultures, economic status. We were all equal on this journey to better ourselves.
I overspent my budget a few times, I definitely could've done a better job at managing my money but one day I'll learn. But at the same time, I really did invest in myself and I know I'll see the benefits of that come to fruition very soon.
I have fallen in love with travel but at the same time I struggle with not having a space of my own, a wall to remind me of the work I've created and am proud of. Precious items now temporarily reside in a $144/month storage facility in The Bronx. Now I only travel with my precious laptop, camera, art supplies and few summer clothes. I always think of this new minimalist lifestyle I've acquired and wonder if I can just give it all up, everything in my storage and start over. If I did it would be the 4th time doing this, giving my stuff away or trying to sell it, but I can't do it. What I have left really means the world to me, so guess I'll revisit this decision again in 6 months and see how I feel then.
In June I went to Australia for the second time this year and celebrated my birthday quietly with a few friends. I enjoyed dinner, a sing-a-long Grease movie, I bought myself a portrait lens for my camera and finally got that rose tattoo for my Guardian Angel (my aunt Miriam Garzon Colon), I had been talking about getting this tat for years.
I then returned to Bali for another 2 months and as you can see I'm still here 6 months later. I don't really have much to say about the details of me being here other than it's been incredible and challenging at times, and it's home at the moment. I absolutely believe this is where I'm supposed to be and now I've confirmed extending my stay through a part of next year. This path I'm on just seems to always work, and I have to remember that, during the hard times.
Now November I received the best early Christmas present, I got a test video of my product prototype (invention) being assembled and completed. After two years of developing it, I'm confident 2018 is the year I get to share it.
I also can't believe it's only a few days before Christmas and a New Year is right around the corner. Christmas for me has never really been a family occasion, I can't really remember ever getting any gifts outside of a secret Santa. Christmas almost became just an obligation to spend money to prove your worth, than to share your love with the ones you love. I guess I lost my love for Christmas when it became all about money, which then turned into regret in the end. I obviously still have some issues around Christmas I need to work out, but being in Bali is humbling, I'm reminded of the simple gift giving of rice or fruit or even $10 is so appreciated by the locals. I've spent hundreds in the past that wasn't even appreciated half as much.
This is also a lesson for myself that proving how much I love you shouldn't be compared to the amount I spend on a gift.
This year I will spend it with a friend in Ubud for a few days, nothing extravagant just dinner and conversation.
I have been out of the country 19 months out of the last 24 months and that's pretty incredible. Opportunity after opportunity has allowed this incredible journey to keep going. The amount of faith I've had, to know that if I held on long enough, something else was ready to lift me up right around the corner.
This year has given me an honest look at how relationships can be rebuilt if both parties are in it 100 percent, and it's also shown me that some of those relationships just lack the willingness especially on my part.
Here's a list of each year's lessons so far, the simple version:
2016 I needed to learn how to love myself and stay sober and look at my part in things.
2017 I needed to surround myself with positive people that had my best interest at heart. I also learned how to participate in relationships. This is a lesson that I'm sure will carry throughout many years ahead. I am not very good at long distance relationships and find myself on a slow path learning how to develop them.
2018 Hopefully this will be the year to learn how to budget but also prepare myself for my project, to give it whatever I'm asked of. I also know I have a head full of ideas and creativity and I need to learn how to streamline that a bit. Learn how to be productive and choose my projects according to what my goals are.
I still want to do it all, always, and I do believe its possible to accomplish anything. As I'm writing this I found that my mood has tilted the scale from slightly sad to a rejuvenating excitement for whats to come. Also, writing helps and I've bottled up all these feelings for the last month unable or unwilling to step out of my shit and my own way.
Each year I learn more about who I really am, I can appreciate my journey for what it is and I know I can't recreate it. This is the one time it will ever happen like this, so I take it, enjoy it, learn from it, share it and make some friends along the way.
Sometimes your uninspired, frustrated and in a funk, and you have friends that remind you that it's normal and to just write. That I'm surrounded by people who can inspire me when I struggle, and they remind me that I'm beautiful, gifted and strong. That inspiration comes from just sharing the journey whether it's good or bad.
Let us enter 2018 Inspired and excited for what's to come. Bring on the good vibes and good fortune, great friends and love.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
Mucho Love, Jamie