What does it mean to be in love, is it that big 24 hour grin you have or that your thoughts are no longer streaming the troubles of your life. Maybe the colors outside now seem brighter and you have this warm fuzzy feeling deep down in a place you never knew existed. The good about being in love is that aura of positivity you now have for everything, a feeling of euphoria, this increased level of energy that you didn't have just a month ago when you promised yourself to go to the gym or start a diet. Your Facebook feeds has replaced all of your subliminal targeted posts about "Not being treated right, or what goes around comes around" to posts filled with kissing selfies, hearts and lots of hand holding brunch pics.
When you feel 'In Love' you can all of a sudden do and accomplish anything, you might say this one is special like no other. It's an amazing feeling to be able to share yourself with someone else. Does our life revolve around being in love, that we don't even care if we really are or not as long as we fill that void. Are we just constantly going from one honeymoon to the next. Can that feeling last forever or are we always chasing that high of our first love.
Can we feel in love if we are alone. I never thought about it until maybe a year ago when I noticed my Facebook posts were consistently about something positive, or new things I was experiencing. Yes I would love to do these things with someone else but I realized I never really knew how to happily do them alone. I was now posting pics of clouds shaped like hearts, or brunch with myself at a new place, I even added a video of me dancing through the streets of Melbourne and New Zealand (I've added the video below if you haven't already seen it.) I was now doing these things and genuinely enjoying them.
In this video I explored the streets of Melbourne, I went to the Andy Warhol and Al Weiwei exhibit at the National Gallery of Victoria, I climbed Mount Maunganui in New Zealand, I danced to no music in public to make this video, I met up with a prototype guy to sign a contract in Melbourne, and thats only whats on the video. For 7 months I explored and learned how to fill that void in other ways. I was essentially taking myself out on a date every single day, I found some things I liked and others not so much.
I now realized I had changed my stream of thoughts, I have chosen to focus on the positive instead of what I might have lacked, or what I thought others were doing to me. I didn't need to say things through my feed like "I'm cutting you off" to make all of my friends wonder who the heck I was talking about. Those things keep me isolated, alone and in an unhappy place. When I only focused on what I wasn't getting I was closing myself up to ever receiving what I wanted or deserved.
So today I work on doing all the things I would want to do and share with someone else, but I do it alone. I do it because I want to finally experience being with someone that I can build with, not because I'm trying to fill a void to be happy. I'm already happy and it's not a fluke, I've had some ups and downs and I'm sure I'll have many more but I came through it better and stronger.
So when I have that thought wishing I could hold hands with my girlfriend and take a stroll on the beach, I go and take that stroll on the beach and soak it up. I enjoy every minute of it and know that when I'm really ready whatever is next will appear.
Today I'm in love with my energy and character, I'm in love with my new willingness and perseverance. I'm especially in love with my strength and creativity. And yes I would love to share my life with someone that has the same. I have no clue what that kind of relationship will look like, I never really considered my wants or needs when getting into a relationship. Today I enjoy writing about my life which may include whoever I'm with, so I wonder will that be okay with her. I love going to movies by myself sometimes, or being spontaneous and roam the streets with my camera. I might even engage in a long conversation with a stranger and lose track of time. Oh and Of course I love to travel.
SHHHHHH! I'm In Love with who I'm becoming, I'm in love with the ability to wake up to another day and experience new things. I'm in love with the people who support me and I'm in love with my unreserved willingness to bond with others.
When we're in love we feel this wave of warmth and safety, a quiver in our belly, like everything is now okay. I am closer to that feeling now than I have ever been in a relationship minus the cuddles and warmth of another person. Today I'm in Love because I feel exhilarated, my level of energy has increased. I feel safer, I have this warm fuzzy feeling inside and I smile. Today I'm not on a search for blind dates, or random hookups, and no longer have that need to fill a void with another person. But I still haven't deleted my HER or Tinder account nor have I really ever used it, except when my friend TAYLOR started randomly liking a bunch of people for me and the 4 people I had the courage to chat with who have now become friends.
I raised this question with someone a few weeks ago. How do I know who I want to be with? What kind of person? and thats a hard question to answer. So after thinking about some of the things I enjoy doing with someone else I'm in love with, it can actually be done and enjoyed even more alone. I think its important for me to experience this because I was only ever happy making someone else happy. Making sure they enjoyed themselves or had what they wanted.
So until I meet her I will continue to love who I am and what I do.
I would also love if you could share one thing (about you) that you are in love with. Because we all have something special 😘❤️
Mucho Love, Jamie