SHAVE IT OFF and be HAPPY about it

Of course I'm talking about more than hair, but lets start with hair. I've had the same hair style my entire life up until mid 2014. I was having a downward spiral and I remember the day I was isolating in my room depressed and my phone rang, I stared at it telling my mind to not answer it as my hand accepted the call. It was my ex who I hadn't spoken to in ages, she called because she felt something was wrong. All I could do was cry, at that point she said get my ass on a plane or she was coming to get me.

So I left it all behind, my apartment, my store, my business, my debt, my clients, everything. I arrived in California ready to be saved, I ran away from life. But I needed this, and I can now see this was just the beginning of my journey. One day we passed a hair salon and I said I want her to cut my hair because she's hot, yep all based on looks. Ruby and I walked in and shortly after they both convinced me to shave my head. I was shaking, but I was ready for a change, tired of how I looked and felt, I thought this would make a difference, maybe give me a new beginning.

Over the next year I shaved more, switched directions I combed it and became one with my new do. This would be the first time in my entire life I felt my hair fit me.

"A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life." -Coco Chanel

So Is Coco Chanel on to something, did cutting my hair do something to kick start this journey. I think it did. So if you ever thought of doing this, my advice is JUST DO IT! you can always grow it back.

Forever grateful to Ruby who I will love forever and Christine who I still think is pretty hot but also a friend who has followed my journey and hope she's impressed at how I've grown into the hair she created.

Shave it off and be happy about it.

To remove or eliminate something in thin strips or small amounts using a blade, and in my case (PRAYER, talking to myself, taking silly pictures, cracking jokes, asking for help, doing research, trying again) is my way of eliminating the bad.

Just like my hair my life became the thing I was removing or eliminating things from in small amounts. In the beginning it was tough, quitting drinking, drugs, cigarettes which I thought would never happen, I had to change my attitude in order for it to work. I became happier and I laughed at myself, days were tough, having thoughts of animated cigarettes chasing me down the street was insane but funny.

I remember not starting things like a workout or a diet, even juicing because I didn't have the things I thought i needed to start it perfectly. So years go by and I convinced myself that it was better to do nothing instead of doing something with what I had.

Over the last 19 months I haven't had access to any of my belongings except what I have in my suitcase. I learned I had to just manage with what I had.

Over the last two weeks I've started calisthenics (body weight training) on my own from the stuff I got online, some exercises I can't do until I get my hands on a pull up bar but I do everything else I can. I started eating healthier, more plant based food and I am currently having the worst caffeine withdrawals ever. I have been so excited to just learn more, but I have to tell you the biggest lesson I've learned is be kind to myself. Its ok to not be perfect or do things perfectly, Start small, be as consistent as I can, and if I stop just start again.

Shave it off little by little can also refer to people, only I know what is good or bad for me. I don't need a posse of friends or acquaintances or even family to side with me when I know my truth. I don't need to bad mouth you in order to let you go, how you treat me may not be the same way you treat others and I have to respect that. There is no loyalty owed to me, and those friends who think I will treat someone badly because you no longer like them makes no sense in my world. I generally love everyone, yep I said love, thats just me. I like to love people, all people, all the time, and even when I come to a point when it's just not good to be a part of your life, I'll probably still love you anyway.

So I shave it off and I'm happy about it. When it comes to people it can be hard but I'm happy because I have finally set some boundaries, without them I'm surely going to drink and drug again and it will inevitably be worse than before.

With everything else, I shave off a bad habit, bad food, a bad thought, a bad vibe one layer at a time. I knew that i couldn't quit drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine in moderation. I physically and mentally cannot do it, but with health and fitness, I allow myself to be that kind parent or teacher to myself. When I fall I get up, when I want to procrastinate I post a photo saying I've done it because then I'll do it.

So whatever you want just do it, don't wait for perfection because it won't come. If you want to workout 3 days a week and only make it once, remember one is better than none. If you want to quit smoking, just keep trying. What usually gets me to really do something is to surround myself with people that have what I want, I get excited when the actual healthy eater teaches me how to eat. Or I follow the Calisthenics trainer who I knew before he did this and I've seen the transformation happen.