She won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be

The Lyrics and Link to song are below

When I listen to this song I can’t help but think of where I’ve been and all the opportunities I've had.  I am amazed.  As far back as I can remember I have been independent and a traveller and always with an innocent heart and faith, and because of that I wasn’t scared of where I ended up.  I was turned off from going to church and picking a religion at an early age because the people i saw preaching the word of God I didn’t want what they had.  I didn't understand praising God one day but speaking badly about people on others, being gay wasn't accepted at that time. I’m not perfect and I can sometimes judge and when Im not spiritually fit bad habits creep in.  But today’s blog isn’t about religion, its about faith in something greater than myself. 

I have suffered Depression, addiction, self doubt, big ego, people pleasing and the list goes on.

I Started my website and blog as a way of asking people to follow my journey so I could help the next person like myself find a creative way to get through.  Many of us suffer silently, I know I did.  Who wants to hear my problems, I was embarrassed and ashamed, and when I finally did ask for help the only response I got was “You’re strong, you’ll get through this”.  It’s not exactly what I wanted to hear, but how could I expect people to help me if I trained them to believe I never needed it.  I thought this was one of the downfalls of being independent and strong.

My God and my faith can’t be broken, and I may not pray like you, I may not quote a verse like you,  but what I can say is my intent with my faith is more pure now than its ever been.   I can’t give you what I have and you can’t take it away, but I can share it and I do that through my pictures and blog.  I had to go through some major stuff to get it and I can say today I don’t feel anymore pain, shame or misery and that in itself is a miracle.

She won’t take me where I’m not supposed to be.  I truly believe this, I want a simple life but I have accepted all of my journey, the good and bad.  If something good happens of course I’m happy and i can tap my faith on the back and say“see I told you things would get better” but I have found it’s the struggles that have more of a lesson for me, thats when my faith gets stronger.  Today I can experience bad things and wonder why is this happening, but it’s only when I step back I can see I was led down this path maybe as a reminder of who I don’t want to be or where I could be if I decided to stray.  

I have always been very open about my life and struggles, and sometimes I was advised to not share as much or don’t tell people certain things about my past.  I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work for me.  When I’m hiding I’m lying and when I’m lying I’m slowly dying, it’s just that simple.  Whatever I post and whatever I share is me, It is truly me at that moment.  I want to share my biggest ups and downs, hoping my ups inspire others and my downs allow others to step up and offer encouragement.   See I believe sharing what you’ve got, paying it forward, holding someones hand, telling your story, and working through the past can help heal you.  But the biggest thing is finally understanding and knowing that I’m not alone.  When I help someone else, I help myself.

See this song just told my story better than I ever could:

My circle of support gives me something wonderful everyday

My demons are right there waiting when I lose faith

I have Faith my God takes me right where I need to be 

I’m free of pain, shame and misery

Negative words can’t and won’t break me down

What you think of me is not my problem

I am more than just my mistakes

There are times when things just go bad and I feel like I can’t take anymore

Sometimes my feelings and emotions make me hesitate from doing what I need to

I have Faith my God takes me right where I need to be 

When I stay away too long that place of trouble is right around the corner

That hospital stay is just a call away

Wanting love from others instead of loving myself will build that wall that separates me from my God

I need to remember the bad so I can see why staying on this path is so important

Now I repeat and grow

Having Faith is a part of every cell in my being.  I feel I’m being led and it would be wrong to not do what feels natural to me.  I was just asked the other day if I found Jesus, or did I become this “praise the lord” kind of person.  I will briefly explain, I have faith and it happens to be in God, I don’t know much about the bible and maybe one day I will, I’m still put off by religion and I’m still told I don’t pray right or I should have more faith.  This frustrates me sometimes but the only person I need to answer to is myself and my higher power, I crack jokes when I pray, I may wink at the sky and end my sentence with an lol and that makes me happy. If my Higher power was a rock then so be it, I’m more at peace and I’m not here to judge anyone else and I’m no longer concerned on how people see me. 

We are all destined for big things and it’s not always about money and material things.  When I surrender I’m one step closer to finding out what that is.

Love and Serenity,

Jamie

Love & Hate by Michael Kiwanuka

https://open.spotify.com/track/7oOEFDLSQscl0uGulnIEmG

Lyrics

Standing now
Calling all the people here to see the show
Calling for my demons now to let me go
I need something, give me something wonderful

I believe
She won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be
You can't steal the things that god has given me
No more pain and no more shame and misery

You can't take me down
You can't break me down
You can't take me down

You can't take me down
You can't break me down
You can't take me down

Love and hate
How much more are we supposed to tolerate
Can't you see there's more to me than my mistakes
Sometimes I get this feeling makes me hesitate

I believe
She won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be
You can't steal the things that god has given me
No more pain and no more shame and misery

You can't take me down
You can't break me down
You can't take me down

You can't break me down
You can't take me down
You can't break me down

I can see a place of trouble
And I'm on the verge
For the love of everybody
I did something wrong

Now I feel some days of trouble (I would stay way)
In the hospital (I would stay way)
For the love of everybody (I would stay way)
But behind a wall (I would stay way)

Standing now
Calling all the people here to see the show
Calling for my demons now to let me go
I need something, give me something wonderful