Where I need to be all the time is right where I'm standing at the moment

We all need that reminder that the present is the most important part of our lives.  How we love ourselves, treat others and giving the present moment our full and honest attention makes all the difference in our personal growth.  I know life sucks sometimes and family can be overwhelming, and maybe our future financial insecurities want to pop up and take over that amazing and beautiful moment we are currently trying to enjoy,  all we can do is our best to appreciate whats around us.  

These are just a few of my worries, yours may be different.  

So, Where I need to be all the time is right where I'm standing at the moment and pay attention to the signs of how to be better.  

Yes, I'm in Bali and I've had a few people comment on my posts "I wish I had your life".  I had no response, see my life has been a rollercoaster ride for a long time, and if you're only viewing my pics and not reading the captions then yes my life is the 'SHIT'.  Nine months in Australia taking pictures, enjoying the beach, going to concerts, etc., this Bronx girl has it all.  But had you read the caption it would have guided you through my struggle of, isolation, worry, alone, depressed, and no real place to call home, then finally guiding you through my recovery, hope and gratefulness.

An opportunity to leave and rebuild and change my thought patterns was a daily task and struggle.  I was able to change that in Australia, I got enough to help me be present on this trip to Bali.  See I'm here with my family I abandoned 10 years ago, my best friend who knows me better than anyone in my life, that friend who only ever wanted the best for me and always offered me guidance to get there.  Then there is my sweet and beautiful 6 year old goddaughter who I adore and spent every moment with, well she's now 17 and getting ready for college and I missed out on a lot.

Im ready to get my feet dirty and do whatever it takes to be better.  I can say do whatever it takes to show her I'm there, or will make up for lost time or be her best friend but I can't and won't do that.  I would rather show you that I'm better for me and am willing to stick around and not run away again.

Slow and steady.

So Bali is beautiful and I get to do some amazing things with the family here, but the most amazing thing is I get to sit in my moment everyday looking at the person I am and understanding me just a little bit better.  I get to listen and share and dream and build and know that this is just the start.

So slow and steady and in the moment is all I have to remember, and when my goddaughter says she wants me to meet her dog I know I've been invited in.  And when the 9 year old brother says "Don't you think it would be smart to be close to the family if you're the godmother in case something happens to the family and you have to take over."  So it seems the family as a whole has opened the door and invited me in and I am beyond grateful.

So yes 'I want my life, it has made me who I am and I wouldn't want it any other way.  

 Love and Serenity,

Jamie