To all the yets I never loved and all the yets I long to meet; I am grateful now there are no more yets in between.
I’m not even sure if this makes sense to me, but I never even realized the powerful negativity this word has held over me for as long as I can remember. The times I allowed it to justify bad behavior or how it defined my dreams. Yet it still has a hold on me, differently now than it did before, but still pretty powerful.
The power of yet in a positive way allowed me to dream, it gave me something to acheive.
There’s no defending my guilt or innocence the day I was arrested in November of 2014, I want to tell you how grateful I was for getting myself from point a to b safely. How I told myself a story, that routine and being able to do things with my eyes close was a pass to not follow the rules. Things I didn’t even know i was doing because I was blinded for whatever reason. I never even understood that this was a thing for us alcoholics, or depressed, or normal, or humans. I never knew to just stop.
This was a defining moment for me, I was grateful no one was hurt. I was hurt because no one was there. I was angry that I allowed this yet to happen. I decided immediately that I was not going to fight this in court, this would be a consequence to all the other yets I avoided. I sat on a cold bench and prayed for forgiveness and asked for guidance on doing the next right thing. This video was one of the toughest things for me to watch because I knew how much pain I was holding on to. I just wanted to be better.
24 hrs in a cell not knowing what was to come next, the yets came pouring in.
I haven’t changed my life yet
I haven’t gone back to learn more yet
I haven’t run a successful business yet
I haven’t done my ted talk yet
I haven’t had a child yet
I haven’t learned to heal yet
I haven’t fixed my family yet
I haven’t traveled yet
I haven’t made amends yet
I haven’t forgiven them yet
I haven’t remembered yet
The list went on and on until I was released, but remember I was thinking about the yets, but It didn’t really attach to the word. Not until over a year later when I got into recovery.
Sometime during my first year I kept hearing these stories about yets, how we test our limits and the more we experience doing things with no consequence, we tend to just keep doing it. I hear this happens when we have a spiritual mallady. Some of us will have this inner battle of right and wrong, and I sure as hell had that during active addiction, but there were times it didn’t stop me.
I received this dvd from my attorney in September 2015 and did not watch it until this evening. I sat and did a meditation prior to watching and asked if there was another lesson I needed to learn from that experience. What I got today was gratitude. Along the way, without really noticing, I moved away from the negative yet syndrome and into a now mentality, but also acknowledging there is more yet to come.
I am now allowing myself more time to heal, time to learn, time to love and time to forgive. It was no longer about yets but about the journey, I never really wanted it all right now, thats not the way it works. I didn’t have to beat myself up for not accomplishing the things I thought I wanted all my life.
Instead I sit here acknowledging everything I have that outweighs everything I thought I wanted. I am no longer ashamed of my past.
I received a call last year from a friend who said someone had called him to tarnish my name, I guess. This person said I came here with problems, and they were absolutely right. It’s called my real life journey of life and I am no longer ashamed of it, I haven’t been for years now, it will continue and I will keep growing and learning. There is nothing in my past that can be used to hurt me when I have accepted all parts of me and my decisions and decided to share it.
The shift from negative to positive changes words. Something happens when your go to word is can instead of can’t, or love instead of hate and so on. I did some research and checked out a ted talk about the power of yet and read an article on the two mindsets and how to see problems as opportunities. I then realized everything I found was the positivity of the word yet, and focused on the young developing a growth mindset. All articles and videos are attached below.
It took me almost 4 years to look back at this dvd, this moment that hurt terribly, and it’s ok. I wasn’t and I didn’t need to be ready before today, so this was my yet moment. I learned so much about this word just from todays blog, I would love any feedback from people that know about the power of yet or if it’s had any impact on your life.
Any feedback from people in or out of recovery would be welcomed.
Anyway, I survived this and paid the consequence and learned more lessons than I thought I would.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6CnrFvY94E (The power of yet rap video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-swZaKN2Ic&vl=en ( The Power of Yet Ted Talk)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46UhAtPyXw4 (The Power of Yet Sesame Street) for kids
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLeUvZvuvAs (The Power of Yet Janelle Monae) for kids