Today I'm 1,460 days old

November 13th 2015 I started on a journey I’ve been very open about. Sharing my story with myself and others was important for me during the first few years of my recovery, it allowed me to not make excuses for my disease.

This morning I woke up to a brisk 24 degrees, definitely not Bali weather, I enjoyed my early morning cup of coffee with Chris and then I went into my morning routine of making my bed and preparing myself for work. Today was going to be a very busy day, finalizing projects, making appointments, finishing a commissioned art piece, writing my blog, catching up with my sponsor and attending a meeting. Having a normal day when celebrating 4 years sober is perfection to me, even if I don’t finish it all.

Before I jumped into work mode I decided to meditate and I thought how can I celebrate my Soberversary, if thats even a word. Of course, I’ll attend a chip meeting today but what other way could I acknowledge such an accomplishment. I could only come up with one thing, and if you know me you guessed right, I called my grandmother. I called and thanked her, I thanked her for showing me some tough love at the moment I needed it the most.

Would I still be out there if she didn’t do what she did that night?. I’m not sure, but disappointing my grandmother felt like the last straw and the thing that woke me up. I wasn’t super emotional when I spoke to her and it was a brief mid-conversation “thank you”. She understood immediately and said to keep doing what I’m doing and to keep growing. Simple and easy to follow suggestions. I love her.

I decided to leave the house and brave the cold weather today and it’s not bad, I’m sitting in a coffee shop with about 12 other people all working on their laptops. None of them knowing of all the work I had to do to get to sit here, willing to live life. How many of them have been in my position? How many of them are currently where I was? How many of them are just doing schoolwork or work or just on social media and live a pretty stress-free life at the moment?

I say all of this because I haven’t had the opportunity to sit in a coffee shop around other people doing normal day to day stuff in almost 3 years. Busy and isolated in Bali had more pros than cons but the lack of interaction with people and the ability to just get up and go somewhere did affect me. I’m learning how to reintegrate myself back in this life in the States, sometimes isolated in my space, it can take extra effort to not fall into the comfort of one (myself).

So I sit in the coffee shop, enjoying the presence of other humans being close by, listening to music and writing. I tried to be discreet asking some stranger to take this pic for me but quickly realized not everyone had blinders on and wanted to know what I was doing. slightly embarrassed for about 3 seconds I got the shot (thank you to the man who’s name I forgot already).

Wanting to keep today’s blog super simple and just write whatever came to mind, I guess I can say that I’m just acknowledging the little things I need to relearn, remembering that the only thing I have to do is put one foot in front of the other and just show up. Remember to enjoy that time having coffee with someone else, or to sit in my uncomfortableness if I’m drinking coffee alone in the coffee shop. Say thank you, make effort to change, keep growing and remember that 24hrs is just as important as 4 years.

So Thank You to everyone, strangers, family and friends that were there with kind words, encouraging stories, silent listening to all my feelings, private messages, sharing your very personal story and journey with me. Together we grow and learn and help each other make it through another day.

Mucho Love, Jamie